http://desolare123.livejournal.com/ desolare123 - LiveJournal.com Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:14:12 GMT LiveJournal / LiveJournal.com desolare123 12784475 personal http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/65805727/12784475 http://desolare123.livejournal.com/ 71 100 http://desolare123.livejournal.com/1149.html Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:14:12 GMT http://desolare123.livejournal.com/1149.html my friend forced me to eat a fucking cupcake <br /><br />ahhhh fuck <br /><br />great now from 310 cals to well i dont know how much a cup cake was but it is alot i assume. i spit out what i could when she was not looking <br /><br />fucking bitch http://desolare123.livejournal.com/1149.html public 0 http://desolare123.livejournal.com/1000.html Wed, 05 Sep 2007 07:32:17 GMT http://desolare123.livejournal.com/1000.html Ahhhh i fucking hate feeling like this <br /><br />i want to try this fast thing out. anyone want to join me feel free to do so<br />aim is desolate123<br /><br />i wrote something today. oh but first i wont put my stats up at all for the time being i am to ashamed to do so becauase i am literally overweight no i am serious i am. its fucking disgusting anyways <br /><br />Why did god curse me <br /><br /><br />to be this way. To feel so ashamed of myself<br />why is it that i can not even stand the sight of me when i look into the mirror in the morning. No matter what i do. it seems to be that i can not loose it. i just keep gaining. what the hell is wrong with me. why can i not be like the rest of them. pretty and thin. why was i made to look like this disgusting being. looking into the mirror is like cutting myself.....painful. i am tired of this. i want to fit in physically and mentally. for years i have been hurt for being this way. why do you hate me for looking like this? i am sorry that i can not live to your standords mom and dad in being one of the pretty girls. do you think i want to be like this. no i want to be what you want me to be. it hurts knowing that i disappoint you because you are the one with the FAT kid. <br />The fat one . who eats all the time. when in reality i do not eat like what they believe a fat person eats. all the time and binges. no i dont. but for some reason the running and the purging does not help. i just want to be perfect.<br /><br />i want to be one of them<br />the norm<br />not like this<br />help me <br />god<br /><br />i dont want to purge anymore<br /><br />i want to stop feeling guilty for eating even a carrot. i want to just be normal for once. <br /><br />i keep replaying this thing i saw on a website<br />how to be aneroexic in my mind<br /><br />would you rather be happy for 20 minutes just because you ate or would you starve but be happier for loner...something like that. i wish i stopped eating <br />as my roomate would say<br />she wish she did not have to eat<br />and she is only 96 pounds<br />god <br />how i envy her<br />to be such of such beauty and perfection<br /><br />i know i am stupid but whatever i wrote what i felt my friends would not understand me if i told them how i felt http://desolare123.livejournal.com/1000.html determined public 0