my friend forced me to eat a fucking cupcake

ahhhh fuck

great now from 310 cals to well i dont know how much a cup cake was but it is alot i assume. i spit out what i could when she was not looking

fucking bitch

Ahhhh i fucking hate feeling like this

i want to try this fast thing out. anyone want to join me feel free to do so
aim is desolate123

i wrote something today. oh but first i wont put my stats up at all for the time being i am to ashamed to do so becauase i am literally overweight no i am serious i am. its fucking disgusting anyways

Why did god curse me


to be this way. To feel so ashamed of myself
why is it that i can not even stand the sight of me when i look into the mirror in the morning. No matter what i do. it seems to be that i can not loose it. i just keep gaining. what the hell is wrong with me. why can i not be like the rest of them. pretty and thin. why was i made to look like this disgusting being. looking into the mirror is like cutting myself.....painful. i am tired of this. i want to fit in physically and mentally. for years i have been hurt for being this way. why do you hate me for looking like this? i am sorry that i can not live to your standords mom and dad in being one of the pretty girls. do you think i want to be like this. no i want to be what you want me to be. it hurts knowing that i disappoint you because you are the one with the FAT kid.
The fat one . who eats all the time. when in reality i do not eat like what they believe a fat person eats. all the time and binges. no i dont. but for some reason the running and the purging does not help. i just want to be perfect.

i want to be one of them
the norm
not like this
help me
god

i dont want to purge anymore

i want to stop feeling guilty for eating even a carrot. i want to just be normal for once.

i keep replaying this thing i saw on a website
how to be aneroexic in my mind

would you rather be happy for 20 minutes just because you ate or would you starve but be happier for loner...something like that. i wish i stopped eating
as my roomate would say
she wish she did not have to eat
and she is only 96 pounds
god
how i envy her
to be such of such beauty and perfection

i know i am stupid but whatever i wrote what i felt my friends would not understand me if i told them how i felt